Scanxiety

It’s a thing. I’ve had a variety of scans throughout life and I’ve managed through them. Having a cancer diagnosis certainly increases the chances of not great results.

The days leading up to and after scans are tough. I have researched lots of support articles to try to figure out how to manage through these days the best I can. There are several tip lists with suggestions like keep busy, meditate, exercise, talk to others etc. Which is great advice. 

While keeping busy and exercising, one still has thoughts running through their mind and I feel it's important to manage those instead of ignoring them. So here are a few thought responses I have when my scary thoughts roll in.

“I have an amazing medical team that will help me through whatever challenge I face.” – this was given to me from a dear friend and fellow ovarian cancer survivor that has helped me a lot this year.  It brings me great resolve.

“I will cross that bridge when I have more information” - Don’t get ahead of yourself.

“Worrying won’t change the results”  - If anything it’s going to make you lose sleep and feel exhausted.

“ I have a good support system in place.” – Having supportive family and friends that I know are praying for me and always there to help us out.

These really help shut down the negative thoughts and worries that may infiltrate your brain while waiting for your scan results.  I haven’t quite figured it all out yet but I’m a work in progress.

Some advice for the support system people. Knowing you are there for us when we need you, that’s the biggest support you can give.  You don’t have to come up with any fancy words or fixes. Just simply be present. A laugh or two is always a good relief.

Awareness - Shingles

 About a year ago, I was in the process of getting life back on track. Well, I wasn't even aiming for a track but basically just trying to get one foot in front of the other. I had completed my 16 weekly chemo treatments in early September, so I had plans.

I came out of the gate running so to speak. I started with a 10 km walk on Terry Fox day surrounded by many family and friends.  I eagerly signed up for the Stay Strong program at the YMCA, a wonderful fitness program now available to all cancer patients. It felt so good to be back at it. 

In mid November, our middle daughter had a weekend basketball tournament in Quebec City. Who says no to a road trip with their two teen daughters? :-)   Our oldest met up with her BFF in Bishops and we got to shop and  visit the Christmas Market in Old Quebec with some of her teammates and families. It was a lovely trip! 

The Monday after we arrived home, I took some downtime to catch up on rest. I was having some nasty eye pain but thought it might be from my ongoing sinus issues or a migraine coming on.  The next day, I booked an appointment with an optometrist as the eye pain had escalated.  They checked me out and suggested I get a new RX for glasses.  I wasn't convinced that would fix my issue, so I  saw my family physician the next day and was treated for a sinus infection.  By that evening, I was feeling worse pain, nausea, and a little red 'dot: on my forehead appeared.  My husband obviously knew as soon as he saw the spot on my forehead what was going on. Shingles, of course, why not add that to my ever growing list of diagnoses. 

I was able to get started on an antiviral medication and had to see an ophthalmologist urgently as my eye seemed to be affected. The rash worsened rapidly. I had nausea and vomiting for a couple of days and the nerve pain continued for weeks. My eye worsened and my vision became cloudy and then declined. I was followed by an ophthalmologist for months after.  It was very unpleasant. 

For others going into cancer treatment, I recommend asking your medical team about getting vaccinated for shingles. It is recommended for people over 50 to get the vaccine, since I was 44 at the time it was never mentioned or even thought about. My weakened immune system due to chemo and cancer increased my chances. I lost part of my vision and it had quite an impact on my healing process, I will be getting my shingles vaccination soon. 

Hope this can help someone

Happy October

We've had a wonderful time enjoying the beautiful weather over the last few months.  2020 hasn't been the greatest year but wow the weather has certainly been nice!! Here's hoping the winter continues to be kind.

 

The Woods are back to school! It's a little different than last year.  Our oldest is in her 2nd year of university at Concordia. She had hoped to be living in the big city of Montreal but low and behold she is doing online classes from our home, much like the rest of Canada.  Our middle is in her final year of high school, going to school one day and working from home the next. Not really sure that is going so well, but more time is needed to let the kids get in the routine of things. Our youngest is in grade 4, and has been a bit draggy about going to school, not sure if it's the age or the COVID life adding to the sudden indifference of going to school.   

 

Work has been nonstop. My husband along with all physicians are learning how to juggle managing patients' health via the phone vs in person. Luckily, we are able to see many patients in person as needed for the time being. I'm happy to be working full time, when I'm not racing myself or the kids to appointments.

 We started to golf this year, we both always liked the sport but never took the time to actually get out more than a few times a year. This year we've made it a priority (after I received much relief from a steroid shot to my shoulder) we both had a rough short season. We hope to play next year with lots of room for improvement!  We've been biking on and off and we've really enjoyed the trails in downtown Fredericton. I've joined the gym again and am looking forward to getting my strength back and losing some much unwanted weight. Thankful to have an awesome personal trainer at the cleanest, coolest gym in town STP Fitness.

I'm awaiting my next check-in with my oncologist. Scans and tests coming up. This stuff is hard but I've come up with coping mechanisms that help me manage.

 

It's come to light recently and I feel the need to explain myself.  I don't have this blog as a selfish, poor me outlook.  I started this blog as a way to keep people informed of how things are going,  to help me manage through some emotions, and to leave memories for my family. I'm not a writer, nor do I claim to be good at it. But it helps heal, it helps communicate, and I'm hopeful that it may help some others going through something similar.  

 

 Thank you to everyone who has been along this journey and supported us. You have no idea how much it means to me and my family to have your love and support along the way. 

 

Enjoy the rest of this beautiful season and stay safe! 

 

 

 

 

 

Terry Fox virtual run in September raising over $3000.

It's an honour to be a Terry Team member.

In Memory of Gram Helene

My precious Grandmother, Helene Isabelle Corey passed away a year ago today.  I thought I would write a little something in her memory to cherish.

 

Gram was widowed when she was just 46 years old with 12 children. She most certainly didn’t have a simple life. She made sure that her grandchildren were treated to the good life.

 

I cannot even imagine having 12 children and raising them, let alone having to raise most of them on my own. My husband and I struggle some days trying to manage the 3 we have. She did it, and knowing these 12 children, now adults, they would not have made it easy growing up. They all survived and managed to do quite well in life.

 

My memories of Gram begin quite early in life, she was my only living Grandmother and I spent many days and nights with her. She cooked up a mean hamburger and always had cookies and treats for us. Even as she got older it was important that she have some snacks available for the great grandkids when they’d visit.  Even if that meant sending my Dad on a mad dash to Smith’s Store to buy up their cookies and juice.

 

Growing up we’d spend a lot of our summer days with Gram. My cousins from out west would often come home for the summer and spend it at Gram’s. Gram never had a car of her own that I can remember but that never stopped her from taking us on road trips and picnics. She always found a way. Some trips that stand out in my memories are Campobello Island, Magic Mountain in Moncton, picnics throughout NB, visits to lakes for swims.  We’d stop by the roadside to pick brown-eyed Susans. Gram always loved us BIG, and made us feel loved.  I remember sleepovers where we’d go out late at night on her deck and gaze at the stars and look for UFOs J

 

As we got into our teens, we’d congregate at Gram’s with our friends and she was happy to have the house full of kids. She loved us so.

 

After I had our first daughter I remember visiting often, and she would sit and snuggle her and she would always settle her down. Gram loved babies, even after raising 12 !

 

Gram was known to have her strong political opinions. Many debates over the years and some just avoided the topic completely.  It was never a quick visit with Gram and rightfully so, she always had to update us on all the grandchildren and how everyone was doing. She was sharp, and kept track of our entire families travels etc. Not an easy task with such a large group.

 

Gram’s health allowed for her to live in her home on her own until her illness that placed her in hospital just a short time before she passed.  Even while in hospital as weak as she was she would still rally when a grandchild would come in to visit. They truly lit up her life and we all loved her so much! 

 

My last visit with Gram, days before she passed will always be cherished. She held my hand and told me I was so brave and courageous. In a time when she was at her weakest, she still was trying to help me. Of course, that’s what grandmothers do. I was blessed to have such an amazing woman as my grandmother and I will forever cherish my memories of her and do my best to be strong and loving as she taught me to be.

Love you Gram! 

 

 

 

Still Climbing

Life in the Wood household has been busy, with 2 teens at home trying to manage an independent 8-year-old in the midst of a pandemic, while their parents are working fulltime out of the house.  I started working fulltime the week the pandemic hit, it was a welcomed distraction. Getting back to work has been good.  Keeping my mind busy is important. I enjoy my coworkers and our lovely patients.

Cancer has a way of plunging you into a valley, a pretty deep one in my case. I don't think you realize how deep you are until you start to climb out of that said valley. It's been a little over a year since I was handed my diagnosis. I've hit some pretty low points over the last year but I'm happy to say I'm working my way out of this!

 I'm now in the recovery phase and it's taking much longer than anticipated.  I continue to receive a maintenance drug therapy, every 3 weeks.  This drug's purpose is to block the blood supply that feeds the tumor and keep my cancer at bay. I have ct scans every 3 months, my last one was in April.

The mental battle of managing life after cancer has been a challenge. I certainly haven't found my stride yet, but I'm getting there slowly.  Most days are good, while some days are rough. Dealing with every new ache or pain, is a mental game, I'd prefer not to have to deal with.  Finding others that have been there and can support each other helps me.
 

I feel as though what I'm going through is similar to a grieving process. When you are first diagnosed, you get overwhelming support, and people checking in on you often. Every morning you wake up and are hit with the reality of your diagnosis.  After surgery and chemo are over things go back to normal for everyone, but you are left to figure out how to deal with all of the scars and managing the worry of your future. I'm dealing with this much better than I was months ago, but it's a work in progress.  Some people don't know how to acknowledge your illness or grieving and often just avoid the topic. Learning how to manage how others treat you or react to your illness is also a learning curve. 

I recently had a mammogram done and while there the technician asked about my diagnosis. Thinking she was being compassionate I proceeded to answer her questions, but then when she responded with "Oh , ovarian cancer is my worst nightmare.  Well it's a silent killer you know." Agh, she literally took my breath away. I managed to get myself in the car before I had an ugly cry. Just when you feel like you're managing well, something like this comes along. I reported this to Horizon as I felt she needed some additional training in compassion and awareness. I wouldn't want another soul to have to be faced with comments like that.

I'm finally beginning to think about my future and what I want to do with it. I'm slowly climbing out of this valley, and starting to see the light again. Thank you to all who have supported me along the way and encouraged me, you have been a huge part of my healing process.

Stay home, please!

Think about this for a minute. Our healthcare system in NB has been overloaded for some time now. So think of our hospitals at high tide, and a tsunami is about to hit our little NB.  We have a chance to build a wall to slow that big wave down by staying home and social distancing. That's all the government is asking.

Many people have been putting in endless hours preparing for this pandemic.  We all need to understand that our hospitals can only handle so much and once that limit is reached it will get ugly. We've read about Spain and Italy, we've seen the devastation reports from healthcare workers warning Canadians to get as prepared as possible. But yet we still see people out in groups, people shopping and not taking this seriously because many won't believe it until they are affected directly by it. When that happens it will be too late. 

Some have called me negative for suggesting that there are too many people out and about, but it's absolute reality.I don't feel it's necessary to be cheering each other on for staying home and following the rules. When the only cars in the parking lots are workers, and the roads have no traffic, that will be when we are actually doing well. 


We need to stay home and give our little province a fighting chance, please do your part! This is a very difficult time for everyone, I'm most certainly not saying it's easy but a little discomfort now will hopefully pay off later.

 I know the population I speak to is awesome and already knows how to stay home, so I'm likely just venting. So thanks for letting me release some stress, it's been a crazy couple of weeks.       

Follow the rules and save lives.

Sincerely,
From a dedicated physician's wife 

Hang in there and be kind

Well I had to weigh in sooner or later, so I chose sooner. This is a difficult time for everyone in our country and beyond. We are being forced to change our ways and be a bit uncomfortable for the time being.  It's understandable to see the upset and anxiety of many online and in public. But we need to keep our heads straight and support each other along the way. 

In the realm of things, there is so much more going on in people’s worlds. I am very concerned for many of my dear friends. I have a friend fighting for her life as cancer tries to take her over, another who is awaiting surgery for her cancer, some who just finished chemotherapy and have no immune system to fight off bugs. Another awaiting his chemotherapy. Imagine how they all must be feeling heading into this horrific storm? Not knowing how this illness is going to affect their treatments and access to the hospital. Imagine the little ones that have weakened immune systems that this could affect and our seniors who seem to be the target of this illness. I pray for all of these people.

While many are able to isolate themselves from all of this, let's be thankful for the medical workers who place themselves in the eye of the storm in order to ensure our people are cared for during times like this. I know I have a long list of medical professionals that are near and dear to me and while I am thankful for their knowledge and expertise, I hate seeing them put in this vulnerable position.

While people are fighting over toilet paper and water and complaining about who knows what, how about we think about the people that are really seriously being affected by this and have some compassion. Figure out ways we can help others. Get groceries and meds for those that are stuck in isolation or just can't get out. Write cards for patients in nursing homes. Offer to help care for some children. Go for a walk with a friend who is struggling. Bake some goods for friends etc. If we all complain and work in silos, nothing good will come of it. If we all work together (social distancing of course) and be supportive, we will succeed.We are truly all in this together! Be strong and be kind people!

Symptoms and Signs of Ovarian Cancer

Backpedaling a little here. I felt that I should share my personal story of symptoms before diagnosis in hopes that I could help someone. 

Ovarian cancer presents so vaguely and there currently are no reliable screening tests. None. This leads to late detection. Five-year survival rates for ovarian cancer found at stage I - 90%, II - 85%, III-39%, IV- 17%. Seventy (70) percent of women are diagnosed at an advanced stage. This is a big problem that I intend to try to improve someway, somehow. I believe through more research and development we will make strides and we have in the recent years, but we have a long way to go.  I have too many precious women in my life that deserve better. 

In the summer of 2018, I had some bloating and noticed my tummy popped out more than usual. I chalked it up to weight gain and my IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). That fall I had slowed my running almost to a halt. I also had irregular menstrual cycles. By November, I had pretty much stopped my morning runs and my energy was low. I blamed that on my stress levels of being a mom to teens and being very busy.  By January of 2019, I began to have some vague abdominal pain but it began to persist daily. My bloating worsened to the point I felt 4-5 months pregnant.

January 21st -I had an appointment with my family doctor. I was having daily pain and I was concerned about an ovarian cyst. I'd had these before but not with the persistent pain.  I explained my vague symptoms and she booked an ultrasound.  

January 27th - I had an ultrasound.

January 29th -   I followed up with my family doctor. The ultrasound found a 6cm cyst with multiple foci cysts.  She referred me urgently to a gynecologist and ordered a CA125 blood test (Ovarian cancer tumour marker). 

Feb 5th - I saw the gynecologist. She explained that she felt like I had endometriosis from my complaints and that the cyst would likely have to be removed. She explained that she was referring me to a gynecology oncologist to be safe.  I had an elevated CA125 but that it could be caused by endometriosis.  My CA125 was 222 (normal 0-30)

I met with the gynecological oncologist a few weeks later.  She gave me 3 options  1 - watch and wait, 2 - have the cyst removed or 3 - total hysterectomy (laparoscopy).  After some quick thoughts and brief discussion, I opted for the total hysterectomy. The safest route.

On March 12, 2019, I was rolled into the OR for my surgery. Unfortunately, the end result was stage 2B or III ovarian cancer - epithelial high-grade serous carcinoma.  They removed a 10cm mass on my right ovary that was firmly attached, cancer had spread to my left ovary and my uterus. Biopsies came back positive for microscopic traces of cancer. Who knows how long this beast was growing in my body?

I was extremely fortunate that I acted on my instincts that something wasn't right. I had a awesome family doctor that listened to me and got things done. I had an amazing surgeon that booked me in quickly and did her magic in the OR. I can't imagine what state I would have been had I shrugged this off for a few more months.

My point of this post isn't to make you worry about every ache and pain but it's to inform you. Listen to your body and ensure you explain your symptoms well to your physician.  I hear too often people put blame on the doctors for not catching things. You are responsible for your health and for advocating for yourself.  The Doctor is there to guide and diagnose. If you are not telling the complete story, how are they supposed to help?

Hopefully, this will help someone.

Happy 2020

Here's to moving on.  I've compiled a little video of snapshots
along the way of my changes throughout this journey. Happy that I can look back on all of it and be moving forward. Maybe kind of silly but it's part of my transition and healing.

Now that I've completed the chemotherapy regime I'm trying to normalize my life the best I can. The last 4 months since my last chemo treatment haven't really allowed me to get my normal routine back. I've had some infections and then a very nasty case of shingles on my face and eye that is still lingering.

Last week, I went back to work and it was a nice change of pace. I will work part time for now as I still have a treatment every 3 weeks and various doctor appointments to attend. I am so fortunate to have an amazing work family and a pretty awesome boss (my husband) and I really enjoy being back with them! 

I'm not the same person that left that office on a cold blustery March evening 10 months ago.  I'm fragile yet stronger than ever.

Looking forward to having an amazing 2020~