Still Climbing

Life in the Wood household has been busy, with 2 teens at home trying to manage an independent 8-year-old in the midst of a pandemic, while their parents are working fulltime out of the house.  I started working fulltime the week the pandemic hit, it was a welcomed distraction. Getting back to work has been good.  Keeping my mind busy is important. I enjoy my coworkers and our lovely patients.

Cancer has a way of plunging you into a valley, a pretty deep one in my case. I don't think you realize how deep you are until you start to climb out of that said valley. It's been a little over a year since I was handed my diagnosis. I've hit some pretty low points over the last year but I'm happy to say I'm working my way out of this!

 I'm now in the recovery phase and it's taking much longer than anticipated.  I continue to receive a maintenance drug therapy, every 3 weeks.  This drug's purpose is to block the blood supply that feeds the tumor and keep my cancer at bay. I have ct scans every 3 months, my last one was in April.

The mental battle of managing life after cancer has been a challenge. I certainly haven't found my stride yet, but I'm getting there slowly.  Most days are good, while some days are rough. Dealing with every new ache or pain, is a mental game, I'd prefer not to have to deal with.  Finding others that have been there and can support each other helps me.
 

I feel as though what I'm going through is similar to a grieving process. When you are first diagnosed, you get overwhelming support, and people checking in on you often. Every morning you wake up and are hit with the reality of your diagnosis.  After surgery and chemo are over things go back to normal for everyone, but you are left to figure out how to deal with all of the scars and managing the worry of your future. I'm dealing with this much better than I was months ago, but it's a work in progress.  Some people don't know how to acknowledge your illness or grieving and often just avoid the topic. Learning how to manage how others treat you or react to your illness is also a learning curve. 

I recently had a mammogram done and while there the technician asked about my diagnosis. Thinking she was being compassionate I proceeded to answer her questions, but then when she responded with "Oh , ovarian cancer is my worst nightmare.  Well it's a silent killer you know." Agh, she literally took my breath away. I managed to get myself in the car before I had an ugly cry. Just when you feel like you're managing well, something like this comes along. I reported this to Horizon as I felt she needed some additional training in compassion and awareness. I wouldn't want another soul to have to be faced with comments like that.

I'm finally beginning to think about my future and what I want to do with it. I'm slowly climbing out of this valley, and starting to see the light again. Thank you to all who have supported me along the way and encouraged me, you have been a huge part of my healing process.